Table Talks with the Tares

Anger is one of those things you probably don't think you struggle with. But when someone lets you down, do you go cold? Get short? Decide it's not worth bringing up and tell yourself you're being the bigger person? That's the case for us. 
Then Ash read a book about how anger shows up. Some of it is loud, a hammer knocking down walls. But it shows up in more insidious ways too: resentment, dismissiveness, ignoring people, all of which feel more respectful in the moment but work like water damage behind the walls, silently destroying the integrity of the whole structure. 
We all deal with anger. And we should get angry at injustice and harm towards others. But how we handle it shapes our relationships more than we might think.
 
 
 
Resources:
Books Mentioned: 
Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help for a Common Problem 
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 182 — Don't Tear Down What You Spent all Week Building — 187 names one silent way we tear down what we've built, and 182 flips it, showing that on the exhausting days when you can't add a thing, just keeping the walls standing still counts as moving forward.
 
 
 
New drop every Monday. If this one helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave us a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.
 

You already know the prodigal son, the younger one who blows the inheritance and comes crawling home. But the story was never only about him. 
There's a second son out in the field, arms crossed, who did everything right and still won't go in, and here's the part that stings: there’s a prodigal and an older brother in each of us. 
In this episode we get into the divided soul, the war between what we ought to do and what we actually want, referring from Heidi White's The Divided Soul: Duty and Desire in Literature and Life to name this split that runs through each of us. You'll walk away with a clearer pulse on your own battle between duty and desire, and why wholeness isn't about picking a side.
 
 
 
Resources:
The Story of the Prodigal Son: https://www.blueletterbible.org/esv/luk/15/11-32/s_988011
Books Mentioned: 
The Divided Soul Duty and Desire in Literature and Life
Perelandra
The Last Battle
Interview with Heidi White: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sc4IrsAD_vw&t=1820s
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 165 — A Culture Clashing Marriage: is it Honor or is it Love? — If this episode has you noticing the divide running through your own heart, 165 follows that same split into a marriage, where two people carry completely different rules for right and wrong, honor on one side and justice on the other, and learn to build one life that holds both.
 
 
 
New drop every Monday. If this one helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave us a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

What should a man aspire to? 
We recently toured the Billy Graham Library. Near the end of his life, Billy Graham realized he had reached the whole world but still wished he'd given more of himself to his own family. That stayed with MJ. 
In this episode he unpacks what it means to be a high agency father: a man who decides his family gets his best, even when good and worthy things are pulling for it everywhere else. Whether you're a dad, a mom, or building toward a family you haven't started yet, you'll walk away weighing where your best energy is really going, and what it looks like to aim more of it at the people God has set right in front of you.
 
 
 
Resources:
Article: https://jeremypryor.substack.com/p/become-a-high-agency-father
Quote: “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.” - G. Michael Hopf, Those Who Remain
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 146 — Seeking the Sacred Work of Ordinary Days, What if Ordinary is the Point? — If this episode has you rethinking where your best belongs, 146 makes the quiet case that the long, messy days with little kids are exactly where it counts.
 
 
 
New drop every Monday. If this one helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave us a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

Every couple has that one thing from the past that keeps coming back into the present. 
For us, it surfaced right as we were getting ready to host family, with little margin left. If you've ever felt the past flare up right when life is already full, this episode meets you there. You'll watch us catch the spiral, name what's really underneath it, and find our way back. And you'll walk away with a clearer sense of how to get back on the same page faster the next time pressure hits.
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 172 — How to Communicate When Life is Stressful — If this one resonated, ep. 172 goes back to what keeps you steady and on the same team when stress becomes the season you're living in.
 
 
 
New drop every Monday. If this one helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave us a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.
 

What if the pushback is the point?Your spouse pushes back, and the instinct is to get defensive. Genesis calls a spouse a helper, but the Hebrew means something closer to a helper who stands opposite you. The friction isn't a glitch. It's the design.We get into how to turn all that pushback into something you build with, instead of something you brace against.
Resources:Jeremy Pryor’s Article:   A Companion Who Helps and Opposes Our morning meetings:   What Business Meetings Taught Me About Running a Home — The Honest Underscore 
Continue the conversation:→ Your Next Listen: 174 - Rest or Prep: The Sunday Night Tension — The 3 questions that took the tension out of Sunday evenings before a new week hits.
New drop every Monday. If this one helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave us a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.Stay connected: 🌐   The Honest Underscore | Discover Your Path - Start Today 📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

Some days are for laying bricks. Others are for making sure you’re not tearing down the walls.Some days we feel like we’re nailing it. Other days are monotonous, exhausting, and frustrating and suddenly we’re showing up in ways we didn’t mean. Anyone else?Proverbs 14:1 gives clear warning that a wise woman builds her house, while a foolish ones tears it down with her own hands. So, even on the unproductive and exhausting days, remember that not tearing down the walls is still moving you forward.
Resources:Bible verse: “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1Resources referenced:• Book 1 — Amazon
Continue the conversation:→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 153 — Why Running Without Margin Always Catches Up — “Even ‘good’ things produce pain when they exceed our capacity.” - Richard Swenson, M.D.
New drop every Monday. If this one helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave us a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.Stay connected: 🌐   The Honest Underscore | Discover Your Path - Start Today 📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

Most family stress doesn't come from the big moments. It shows up in the ordinary transition moments nobody has a clear plan for.
In this episode, we get honest about the 4 daily transitions that were derailing our family life. Not because our kids were misbehaving, but because the expectations were never actually taught. They were just repeated. Every. Single. Day.
We talk about what was missing, the visual system we built to close the gap, and how our kids have risen to the responsibility of running their own routines and looking out for each other.
You'll walk away with:
Why repeating expectations daily usually isn't a discipline problem, it's a training problem
How we identified the 4 transitions where everything was breaking down and what was actually missing
The visual tool that made everything clear, reduced the barking orders, and taught our kids to take real ownership of their routines
Grab the Free Resource:
The Daily Rhythm Charts: Family Bundle -includes editable visual routine charts for ages 2–10 to help your kids take ownership of daily routines.
Grab your free printable bundle and watch your kids rise to it.
→ Daily Rhythm Charts: Family Bundle
‌
Book Referenced:
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 170 — The Thing About Our Family that Others Notice — If transitions are the gap, this episode talks about where setting the foundation starts.
Find the gap. Fix the system. Live with purpose.
New drop every Monday. If this one helped, share it with someone who needs it or leave a review. It's the best way to help us reach more people.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we pull back the curtain on the frameworks we're testing, the gaps we've found, and the questions we can't stop thinking about. So you can see your own gaps more clearly. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Questions, reflections, or something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com

The hard part isn't the fight. It's figuring out what the fight is actually about.
In this episode, we talk about what happens when an old pain gets bumped and the reaction that comes out has nothing to do with the person standing in front of you.
You'll Walk Away With
Why some reactions feel bigger than the moment and what that might be telling you.
What it looked like when this showed up for us and why it's hard to trace in real time.
A question to ask before you respond that changes the whole direction of the conversation.
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 100: How Adoption Changed Me — If this one resonated, that one goes deeper as Ash unpacks how this can show up in parenthood, too.
Find the gap. Fix the system. Live with purpose.
New drop every Monday. If this one helped, share it with someone who needs it or leave a review. It's the best way to help us reach more people.
Stay connected: 🌐 The Honest Underscore
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we pull back the curtain on the frameworks we're testing, the gaps we've found, and the questions we can't stop thinking about. So you can see your own gaps more clearly. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Questions, reflections, or something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com

Spoiler: physical touch doesn't mean what you think it does.
In this episode, we talk about the breakdown that happens when we try to love each other well but are speaking different languages.
You'll walk away with:
Why it’s easy to default to your own love language even when you know better
The real moment this showed up for us and how we worked through it
One thing to say when you can feel the conversation starting to go sideways
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 154 — Controlling the Controllables and a Shortcut to Real Connection — Once you know the language, this one is about what happens when you're too exhausted to speak it.
Find the gap. Fix the system. Live with purpose.
New episodes every Monday. If this one helped, share it with someone who needs it or leave a review. It's the best way to help us reach more people.
Stay connected: 🌐 The Honest Underscore
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we pull back the curtain with one coaching insight, one lesson worth passing on, and one question to sit with. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Questions, reflections, or something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com

Have you ever meant well and still missed the mark?
You didn't need a solution. You needed someone to listen and somehow that got lost.
In this episode, we dig into one of the most common friction points in any close relationship: the moment one person needs to be heard and the other instinctively tries to help. It's not a communication problem. It's a mismatch in expectations. And one small question can change everything.
You'll Walk Away With
Why venting and asking for help aren't the same thing and why mixing them up is a wiring difference, not a character flaw
Why the externalizer and the internal processor hear the same conversation completely differently
Two questions that reset expectations before the conversation goes sideways
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 169 — It's Not What You Say, it's How You Say It — Once you know what kind of conversation you're in, this one picks up from there on tone, timing, and why the same words can land completely differently.
Find the gap. Fix the system. Live with purpose.
New episodes every Monday. If this one helped you — share it with someone who needs it or leave a review. It's the best way to help us reach more people.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we pull back the curtain on our process with one coaching insight, one lesson worth passing on, one question worth sitting with. Our job — help move your next step from uncertain to clear. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Questions, reflections, or something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com