Table Talks with the Tares

Two hundred episodes. Three years. One table.
Sitting across from each other with a microphone week after week will do something to a marriage, and we’re grateful for everyone who’s joined our table talks along the way.
In this one we’re telling you what 200 episodes has taught us, and what we’d tell anyone thinking about building something together.
 
Resources:
 
Praying Around Your Spouse Guide: Want to pray over your spouse but never quite know where to start? We built a free prayer guide around seven topics in a circle, so you always know what comes next. [Get the prayer guide →]
 
Continue the conversation:
 
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 17 — Relationships: Shoulder to Shoulder vs. Face to Face — Turns out the face to face time is what changed things for us, and 17 is where we first broke down the difference between the two ways couples connect and why you need both.
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.p
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning here so we can realign what we mean to do with what shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from the episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

Most things on your calendar are a good thing, right? That’s what makes this hard.
But good things maxed out tend to stop producing anything good, and most of us figure that out about 6 commitments too late.
What if the way out isn’t always just cutting commitments, but getting creative with your no?
We talk about how we learned to say no to good things so we could say yes to the best ones, and what that looks like when you’re already at capacity.
 
 
Resources:
 
Praying Around Your Spouse Guide: Want to pray over your spouse but never quite know where to start? We built a free prayer guide around seven topics in a circle, so you always know what comes next. [Get the prayer guide →]
How to Build a Reading Plan You’ll Stick To: A few weeks back we spent several episodes on building a reading plan. I wrote the three simple steps, the book lists, and how to push through building a new habit. [Get the plan →]
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 174 — Rest or Prep: The Sunday Night Tension — If Sunday night already feels like you’re behind before the week starts, 174 is the 3 questions we ask to get on the same page instead of bracing for Monday.
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning here so we can realign what we mean to do with what shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from the episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

When you’re disciplined, the days look the same but the years look different. When you’re not, the days look different but the years look the same. That hits hard in a season when every day already feels disrupted.
So how do you find your way back to a rhythm after life knocks you out of one?
We talk about coming out of postpartum, what we’re rebuilding for our health, and the small anchors that hold when the routine falls apart.
 
Resources:
 
Praying Around Your Spouse Guide: Want to pray over your spouse but never quite know where to start? We built a free prayer guide around seven topics in a circle, so you always know what comes next. [Get the prayer guide →]
How to Build a Reading Plan You’ll Stick To: A few weeks back we spent several episodes on building a reading plan. I wrote the three simple steps, the book lists, and how to push through building a new habit. [Get the plan →]
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 12 — The Sabbath: Our Foundational Rhythm — If 198 has you looking for somewhere to start, 12 is the one rhythm we built first, in the middle of a season when every other rhythm was gone.
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning here so we can realign what we mean to do with what shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from the episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

They heard it. The tone, the words, the part you would take back. And the instinct after is to move on fast and hope it didn't stick.
But what if the part they actually need to see is what comes next?
We walk back through one of our own arguments we unintentionally had in front of the kids, what led up to it, and what we did in front of them afterward. Because your kids need your repentance more than your perfection.
 
 
Resources:
 
Movie Mentioned: CODA
A few weeks back we spent three episodes on building a reading plan. I wrote the whole thing out in this post, the three steps, the book lists, and how to push through building a new habit. 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 184 — When the Past and Present Collide - Communication Under Pressure — If 197 is about the repair, 184 is about the spiral that got you there, and how to catch it sooner the next time the pressure is on
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning here so we can realign what we mean to do with what shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from the episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.
 

You said yes to all of it. The kids, the house, the work, the people who count on you.
But somewhere in there it stopped feeling like a life and started feeling like a to-do list. What if the fix isn't carrying less? We talk about how we fight to keep the joy in the things we're not putting down.
 
Resources:
 
A few weeks back we spent three episodes on building a reading plan. I wrote the whole thing out in this post, the three steps, the book lists, and how to push through building a new habit. 
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 186 — What If Duty And Desire Weren't Meant to Be Split? — If this week gave you the how, 186 gives you the why, because what you have to do and what you actually want were never meant to sit on opposite sides.
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning here so we can realign what we mean to do with what shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from the episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

Most of us only think about rest when we're already out of gas. And the usual advice is to clear the schedule, which helps right up until you realize the empty evening you spent scrolling gave you nothing back. 
So what if rest has two halves and we only ever talk about one? We get into rhythms that hold our family together on the hard weeks, what we cut first, and what we make more room for on purpose.
 
Resources:
Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard A. Swenson, MD
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 176 — Good Intentions Aren't Enough, Finding Restorative Rest as a Family — If 194 has you rethinking what rest is for, this one goes into the time MJ tried to give Ash a break and it didn't restore anything, and the difference between rest vs. restoration we learned the hard way.
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

The first few weeks of anything good feel awkward.
Nobody walks into a gym for the first time and enjoys it. You feel clumsy, you're sore, and you wonder if people can tell you don't know what you're doing. Reading after years of scrolling works the same way. Ten quiet pages will feel slow before they feel good, and that's not necessarily a sign you picked the wrong book.
Here's the part nobody says out loud: the person who never misses a workout isn't running on discipline. Discipline is riding on top of something they've grown to love. You can train that.
We get into where to find book lists worth using, why to start with what you already enjoy, and how to pick books around what you actually want to grow in. You'll leave with a plan you can start tonight.
 
 
Resources:
Catch our first two episodes in this series: 
What if Your Best Year isn't About More Discipline? 
Why Can't I Sit Still Anymore? 
Links to help build your reading list: 
John Senior's 1000 Good Books List (free list)
Building a Home Library (free list)
BibleProject Resource Hub (free list of theology books) 
For Moms: 
Well-Read Mom Reading Club
Mother Academia  
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 186 — What if Duty and Desire Weren't Meant to be Split?  — If 194 has you thinking about training what you love, this one goes underneath it, into the older brother in all of us and why what you ought to do and what you actually want were never supposed to be at war.
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

Attention is the thing every other habit runs on.
I didn't set out to fix my attention. I set out to read more. But the days I scroll are the days I can't sit with Scripture, can't pray for ten minutes, can't hold a thought long enough to finish it. It turns out the disciplines weren't the weak spot. The muscle underneath them was.
So what if sitting still with one thing is a discipline that other disciplines rely on?
We get into what shifted for me and what I'm doing differently. Then we get practical for anyone starting from zero. A book, a time of day, a number of pages per day.
 
 
 
Resources:
Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard A. Swensen, MD
Spiritual Books I’ve Read This Year: 
How God Became King by N.T. Wright
Letters to the Church by Francis Chan
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
The Overcomers: God's Vision for You to Thrive in an Age of Anxiety and Outrage by Matt Chandler
Why I Am Not a Calvinist by Jerry L. Walls and Joseph R. Dongell 
Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God by Tim Keller   
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 160 — How We're Building Health Habits That Actually Stick  — We rebuilt our health the same way we're rebuilding attention, one small thing we could actually keep.
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

You are always being formed by a story. The question is whether you picked it.
Most of us chase a better year with more discipline. But habits shape what you love, and what you love shapes who you are and what you do. So real change has less to do with forcing new behavior and more to do with training what you want.
What if the year you're hoping for starts somewhere other than willpower?
This one is the framework. How people actually grow, why your affections need training as much as your mind, and why reading good books is one of the clearest ways to pick your story on purpose. Next we build the plan.
Resources:
Faouzia - You Don't Even Know Me 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 159 — Rethinking Resolutions: Why we're focusing on habits not hustle.  — If the habits and loves piece is the part you want to sit in longer, 159 takes it into goal setting, where we swap crushing checklists for cultivating the kind of people we actually want to become.
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.

Some rabbit holes are worth the fall.
 
It started as a detour from the plan. Because I was bored, of course. And apparently I don't like being told what to do, even when I'm the one telling me. Then it turned into 4 days of obsessive reading. Which may or may not have been followed by watching the 3-part trilogy. Any guesses on the story? Tune in for the escapade and how I’ve convinced myself some obsessions are good.
 
 
 
Resources:
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv
No Apologies: Why Civilization Depends on the Strength of Men by Anthony Esolen   
Little Men by Louisa May Alcott 
 
 
 
Continue the conversation:
→ Your Next Listen: Ep. 186 — What if Duty and Desire Weren't Meant to be Split? — If chasing something just because you want to feels a little irresponsible, 186 sits in the tension between what you should be doing and what you actually want (and makes the case that you don’t have to pick).
 
 
New drop on Mondays. If this helped, pass it along to help someone else or leave a review. It’s the best way to help more people see their underscore, too.
Stay connected: 🌐 http://honestunderscore.com
📩 Enjoyed the episode? The conversation goes deeper in The Greenroom. Once a month we give the field notes version of the things we’re learning at the table so we can recalibrate what we mean to do with what actually shows up. [Let me into The Greenroom]
✉️ Something from this episode hit home? Send it our way → hello@honestunderscore.com. We always enjoy hearing from you.